Have I Told You Guys About Basketball w/The Mormons?
Posted: Fri Aug 09, 2019 11:29 pm
Ok, so every now and then I'll entertain the Mormon missionaries who go door to door wanting to talk to me about their super awesome book. I'm not a Mormon, but I am interested in the stuff, religion, etc... I'm interested to know how they became Mormon, the things they believe, etc... Been doing it off and on for years. And the missionaries that show up are always the stereotypical South Park depiction of what a Mormon is. White as talcum powder, suit-and-tie, young, goofy, nerdy-looking as hell, kindest people on Earth. The only difference from the real life Mormons and the Mormons from South Park is that they just never broke out into song. Well, this go 'round with the new missionaries, they mentioned they do sports night every Friday from 7-9PM at the Church. I love sports, so I'm all in.
I went last Friday for the first time. Sports night is basically just volleyball and basketball. So it's typically girls on the volleyball and nothing but guys on the basketball side. I walk in, we're getting ready to play. I meet the other missionaries, "Hello, I'm Elder" so-and-so. After the formal greeting, we go to the court... these mother fuckers should be in the god damn NBA. They are around my height, mostly between 5'10 and 6'1, and half of these white ass dudes are dunking (DUNKING) and are ball-handling like Iverson and rocking the blow-by like nothing I've ever played against. Typically with my grown ass men friends, I am either the 3-point shooter or point guard and I can usually rock the blow-by. I got like one blow-by out of ten attempts. Half my night was step back jumpers and threes, the rest of it was watching in awe at these dudes balling each other the fuck up like Iverson would, but at a god -damned- blessed Mormon church.
Reminder: They're Mormons, guys... They're white. They're dunking. It was like a Twilight Zone episode. I thought I was on Punk'd or something. "Haha, we tricked you into thinking we're Mormons, we're actually entering the NBA draft in 2020". But no, this is real, and has to be seen to be believed. This would go viral and Matt and Trey would probably make a South Park episode out of this.
I went last Friday for the first time. Sports night is basically just volleyball and basketball. So it's typically girls on the volleyball and nothing but guys on the basketball side. I walk in, we're getting ready to play. I meet the other missionaries, "Hello, I'm Elder" so-and-so. After the formal greeting, we go to the court... these mother fuckers should be in the god damn NBA. They are around my height, mostly between 5'10 and 6'1, and half of these white ass dudes are dunking (DUNKING) and are ball-handling like Iverson and rocking the blow-by like nothing I've ever played against. Typically with my grown ass men friends, I am either the 3-point shooter or point guard and I can usually rock the blow-by. I got like one blow-by out of ten attempts. Half my night was step back jumpers and threes, the rest of it was watching in awe at these dudes balling each other the fuck up like Iverson would, but at a god -damned- blessed Mormon church.
Reminder: They're Mormons, guys... They're white. They're dunking. It was like a Twilight Zone episode. I thought I was on Punk'd or something. "Haha, we tricked you into thinking we're Mormons, we're actually entering the NBA draft in 2020". But no, this is real, and has to be seen to be believed. This would go viral and Matt and Trey would probably make a South Park episode out of this.