Tales From the Tabletop

[Slaughterhouserock]

I've gotten back into D&D after a many year hiatus due to lack of a gaming group. We're playing 5E D&D, so there's some adjustments for me to get used to, but I've already become known as the group's rules' lawyer(the good kind, not the dick kind). Anywho, I only ever see my group when we play, and never have time afterwards to hang out due to it being late on Sunday and me having to get up at ass o'clock on Monday morning. This means I get no time to actually talk about D&D with anyone, so I'm going to use this topic to talk about random bullshit that goes on in-game or out. Could be a fun bit of nonsense, could be me venting, as long as it's rpg-related, it's going here. With that bit of introduction out of the way, let the ranting and raving commence!

How my first game with the new group changed my character:

I found the group through an online "meetup" site, so I had never met any of these people before. I talked with the DM for a bit about his DMing style, what kind of group he had, and everything I needed to know to make my character(level, stat gen method, etc.). It was a brief conversation and everything seemed ok to me, so I got his address and was set to join up that weekend. The address was in the middle of the woods, down a dirt road, in the middle of nowhere. Not creepy at all. I mean, it's not like the people who are into RPG's are weirdos or anything...

I end up rolling up a half-elf Rogue/Wizard since the party was lacking a dedicated arcane person and trapfinder(one level of rogue, the rest wizard). They were level 5, so that's where I started. I had a longish backstory, but I was essentially supposed to be the typical book-worm wizard type, just with a bit of odd skills due to my being involved with the Harpers(it's a faction, not really important). The first game I joined up was the day before a war was about to break out. Wonderful.

I get a bit of backstory when I arrive, get introduced to the party, and we had a little side plot for the game that night, just to get me settled into the group. We were in a small town about to be under siege by a giant and his orc army, but while preparations are being made, a sudden outbreak of thefts occur and we need to figure out what the fuck's going on. Simple enough, some sleuthing, some bumbling around, and we eventually found out it was some lady and her "butler" behind it all. They were easily dispatched due to a well placed Web spell and there was much rejoicing. Until I looted the bodies and found out why she was robbing everyone. She had a cursed coin that caused the owner to be filled with greed, and I was now the lucky owner of said coin.

So my first night of D&D with this group and I'm cursed. You might think, "oh, well, you should be able to get rid of the curse soon, though, right?" Fuck no! I had that damned thing for months! My first game was April 2. I just got rid of the fucking coin on September 17. Five fucking months of playing a greedy asshole, stealing from every fucking person I could, throwing a wrench in all my plans for the character by making him the stereotypical thief instead of a dorky wizard. Don't get me wrong, I've got no issue with the curse, or playing it as is, but not when there's no chance in hell of getting rid of it until we reach level 7 minimum!

For fuck's sake! The DM even tried to pull some shenanigans to get it off me by having some shaman dude try and help me get rid of it. I had three chances with that dude, each progressively easier. Starting DC was 15, then 12, then 10. I never rolled above a fucking 5! Luckily I was finally able to get a Remove Curse(we don't have a Cleric) and I was free. By that time, though, I had completely lost track of who I wanted this character to be, so I'm just kinda winging it at this point.

That's how my first night of gaming turned into a huge character development issue. I still had fun, and there were a few instances where it led to some interesting encounters, but man, things could have been much different had I just not looted that body.

[showa58taro]

You'd have thought it would be significantly lower than 10 required for "drop coin in well"...

That being said, if you had a plan and this completely fucked it over, that's pretty harsh. But well done for sticking with it.

[Reign in Blood]

Yeah, I wouldn't dig having my character derailed for 5 fucking months. Like you said I could have fun rolling with it for a little while but come on.

[showa58taro]

Yeah, I wouldn't dig having my character derailed for 5 fucking months. Like you said I could have fun rolling with it for a little while but come on.

I'm sensing that's what makes D&D such a commitment. Having to roll through a full campaign as a character.

[DancesWithWerewolves]

I'm not big on 5E.

Progression is abysmally slow (so I totally believe the curse removal taking so long), things are way too simplified, and serious lack of options to really play around. I understand it works for beginners, but for those with 20+ years experience playing, it's tough.

I've been on Pathfinder for several years now.

[Slaughterhouserock]

Yeah, I wouldn't dig having my character derailed for 5 fucking months. Like you said I could have fun rolling with it for a little while but come on.

I'm sensing that's what makes D&D such a commitment. Having to roll through a full campaign as a character.

I would never make someone stick to a character if they didn't want to. If you're not enjoying what you're playing, you shouldn't have to play it. And if a DM tells you otherwise, they're a worthless DM.

[Slaughterhouserock]

I'm not big on 5E.

Progression is abysmally slow (so I totally believe the curse removal taking so long), things are way too simplified, and serious lack of options to really play around. I understand it works for beginners, but for those with 20+ years experience playing, it's tough.

I've been on Pathfinder for several years now.

Yeah, it's basically D&D for beginners, but everyone I'm playing with is new to the game other than the DM, so it's fitting. I'll probably rant about it at some point, but I don't really have any other options since no one around here really plays D&D.

Pathfinder is in a similar boat to me as 5E. It's basically 3.5 on easy mode. All the classes are beefed up, but the monsters are essentially unchanged. It's ok, but I'd much rather play 3.5 if given the option.

[DancesWithWerewolves]

I always found that Pathfinder fixed kinks from 3.5. Which I guess feels easier, but I really like the options more now that Pathfinder has expanded quite a bit. I would play 3.5 if a group wanted to though, I still have my books.

[showa58taro]

I'd assume a beginner game is better htan no game at all.

[Slaughterhouserock]

Had to bail on the game last night because I've got a killer fever. I told the DM and said someone else could play my guy if they wanted to. He texted me back a little later saying that no one wanted to play without me, because they depend on me to keep them alive. It's nice to be appreciated sometimes.

Here's another fun bit that happened awhile ago. I was still under the effects of the cursed coin, so greed-mode was on. We were sent into an abandoned Giant library to see if we could find out anything about Giant rune magic, and possibly anything about the current big bad. The entrance hall had a massive statue of a giant with diamonds for eyes. I immediately scaled the statue, somehow making the check to climb it with my pitiful Strength, and pocket the eyes. Everyone was giving me shit about stealing from our current allies, but there's not much I could do about it.

We made our way through the place, and eventually came upon a wall with a bas relief of some Giant god. He also had some gems for eyes, but they were too high up for me to reach. Our bard was standing there looking up at the piece, when I just walked right up and mounted her(well, climbed on her shoulders), so I could reach the gems. She went along with it, because she thought it was funny...until I found the trap...which I failed to disarm. A giant block fell from the ceiling and landed on us. I made my save, she did not. I pocketed the gems and apologized, but now there's a bit of mistrust between our two characters. She's been looking for a way to get me back, and she now has a fear of ceilings.

Things proceeded per usual in a dungeon-esque area and we found what we were looking for; several runestones. On our way out, the statue at the entrance came to life, to stop us from taking the runestones from the library. A fairly difficult battle ensued, in which nearly all of us were knocked out at one point. After the fight, the DM told us it's a good thing I took the diamonds, because they gave it a gaze attack which he couldn't use. Sometimes, greed is good.

[DancesWithWerewolves]

lol, nice *at the end bit*

[showa58taro]

Hope you’re ok.

But that story is pretty damn funny.

[Dream]

This is awesome.

[Slaughterhouserock]

Last Sunday was an alternate game and was probably the most fun I've had playing in ages. Whenever the DM needs a break, or doesn't have time to prep, we'll have someone else run a game. There are two alt games running right now, and in this one I am a Gnome Wizard(Abjurer), 3rd level. Backstory for this game: We've been summoned by the local rulers to help out a group of holy rollers called the Sentinels of the Sun. We happened to rescue one of their priestesses awhile back, so they already love us even though we're not the most likeable bunch. In addition to me, there's a Tabaxi Rogue(likes to steal things, but feels bad, so she leaves payment), Aasimar Cleric(constantly fighting off his evil desires), Dragonborn Paladin(bored with everything, but still wants justice for everyone), Water Genasi Monk(constantly quoting Bruce Lee and misunderstanding her abilities), and the newcomer, Human Fighter(LN, thinks we're all crazy, and keeps asking "is this legal?").

We started out at the local tavern to hear the gossip of the day and heard about a dozen hooks before being called off to meet the mayor. He wanted us to check out a bandit problem they've been having at the mines, and was going to pay us a pittance. Fuck it, though, since money means little in 5E. We set off and found our bandits. Orcs, of course. The patrol was taken out in no time and it was off to the mines...where we encountered Kobolds. They wanted us to get rid of the Orcs that were in "their" mine, and everyone agreed, except me and the Fighter. Kobolds and Gnomes don't get along. There's a long-running feud between their gods and I was playing that up. The Fighter was with me in telling them to fuck off. We were still going to get rid of the Orcs, because that's why we were there in the first place, but we didn't want the Kobolds hanging around.

We go in and there's only a few Orcs, so it shouldn't be an issue. I drop a Sleep spell, but they're spread out enough that I only drop one. The rest charge in. At the end of the round, we hear some chanting behind us, and one of the Kobolds cast a spell, dropping rocks on the Orcs...which woke up the one I put to sleep. Needless to say, I was not happy. We finish off the Orcs in no time and I immediately turn around and shout something along the lines of "meddlesome worms!" and shot a Firebolt at the Kobolds. I didn't intend to hit them, just to scare them off, but the DM had me roll anyway and I burnt one pretty good. Our holy guys weren't happy about this, so I went on to explain my hatred of Kobolds, and how I tried to tell them I wanted nothing to do with the bastards in the first place. The Fighter intervened and got everyone back on track. We looted and went back to town.

After getting paid, we all went our separate ways. Monk and Paladin to the local temple, Rogue to the Inn, while the Cleric, Fighter, and myself decided to stake out an abandoned building from which, people have been hearing strange noises at night. Sure enough, we soon see some dudes in robes sneak into the place. We wait a few more minutes and see two more coming. The Cleric dropped a Light spell on them and said "freeze!", which confused them long enough for me to drop another Sleep spell and knock them both out. I should note that my Gnome is riding a mastiff named Ambrosius. We tied them up and had the dog drag them back to the Inn for interrogation. This is where the Fighter starts with his legal questions.

Once back at the inn, I have my dog put its mouth around one of the cultists throats before we wake them up. The Cleric went into bad cop mode and started asking his questions. And now for the best Q&A ever. "What were you doing there?" "We were going to a meeting." "A meeting for what?" "We were going to perform a ritual." "What kind of ritual?" "A sacrifice to our dark god." I step in: "Who is your dark lord and master?" "We don't have one right now." And my mind breaks. "What the hell does that mean? You're just sacrificing and hoping to have a pool of souls to give to a god when you find one? Just saving up for a rainy day? Hoping that someone sees the work you're putting in and pats you on the back? How does that even work? What is wrong with you people?" Cleric comes back to get to the important bit. "Someone's being sacrificed right now?" "Yes." "To no one." "Umm..." "Ok, let's tie them up back there to give to the mayor in the morning and we'll go get whoever's being sacrificed." Me: "Can't we just kill them? I mean, they don't deserve to breathe being this fucking stupid." "I'd be ok with killing one." "Ok, I can live with that. Ambrosius!" And the dog ripped the one guy's throat out. During this whole process, the Fighter was just saying "Is this ok? I dunno about this. You're just gonna kill him out in the open while unarmed and defenseless? You guys are crazy." I was laughing hysterically from the moment they said they didn't have a god right now, up until we killed the one guy. Good times. Anywho, we left the other one to be questioned/arrested later while we gathered the other party members.

Back at the cult house, we tried to get in the door, but it was trapped to make it unable to be opened(was blocked), so we went to a window. The Cleric's first thought was to just burn the place down(he may be good, but he gets a little murder-happy), but then we reminded him that the sacrifice might still be alive in there, so we went through a window instead. We found the cultists, but it was too late; the sacrifice was already dead. Tons of spells were being lobbed around because they were all Clerics, but we made short work of them. We had to call it right after the fight since it was getting late. While packing up, the DM turned to me and said, "I'll get you the info on who they're sacrificing people to, I just couldn't find my notes." I said "No worries. It made for a funny moment. Nothing goofier that cultists that don't even know what they're in a cult for."

[showa58taro]

LMAO.

“We sacrifice you in the name of. . . Uhh, why are we here again?”

Amazing.

[DancesWithWerewolves]

Damn a lot happened, lol. Games I'm in are often several hours and most of that is one drawn out battle (I'm often waiting for people to hurry up their turns).

[Slaughterhouserock]

Last game was the other alt game. I play a Bugbear Fighter along with a Dragonborn Cleric, Human Druid, Kenku Rogue, Gnome Sorcerer, and Human Wizard. Backstory for this game is we all woke up in cells and had to break out. We are in an "endless" dungeon according to the DM, so lot's of dungeon crawling, which is fine by me. For anyone interested, it's actually Tales From the Yawning Portal and we just started up the second part, The Forge of Fury. This will just be a few fun things I did over the past few sessions of this game.

After breaking out of our cells, we all did the usual introductions. I ask the DM if we have any of our gear, to which she replied no. I didn't bother having any regular clothes so I said "guess I'm wearing a loincloth, then." And from that point on, I was known as Loincloth. The first bit of the dungeon was filled with goblins, so I played up the Bugbear aspect(goblin hierarchy is Bugbear>Hobgoblin>Goblin) by intimidating any we came across and made a few my servants...until they got annoying or I needed someone to spring a trap and killed them. We eventually ran into hobgoblins, but my intimidation tactics didn't work on them(the DM had enough of me collecting slaves), so we just slaughtered them instead.

We descended deeper and found a crazy tree with death dealing fruit and a few weirdos hanging around. We didn't exchange pleasantries, but instead went for blood. By this point, I've reached level 3 and have maneuvers(Battle Master Fighter), so I put them to good use. I charged the leader during a surprise round and dealt a decent amount of damage(for the level, 4d6+1d8+Str) and one of his buddies came in to help. They missed, which gave me an extra attack against them(from Riposte), and I killed them for their effort. After the surprise round, I went before the boss, and was able to finish him off before he even got an attack in. I kinda felt bad, but fuck it, I'm here to kill things.

We went even deeper and have now upgraded to fighting orcs. Typical enemy progression, especially for a dungeon crawl. We got the drop on several, and me and the Rogue decided to slit some throats while they were asleep. The others weren't thrilled about it, but we aren't exactly "good" people(remember, we started by being arrested). Eventually we came across a hallway with arrow slits in the walls. We snuck past them and found the entrance to the other side of them. We could hear Orcs talking down the hall, so I asked the Sorcerer to make me invisible and told them I'd take care of it. I rolled a decent stealth check(for sound) and made it up to the Orcs. There were four of them grouped together. I attacked, killing the first outright, then used my Action Surge to attack the one next to him, also killing him. The others moved in. One missed, triggering an attack from my Riposte, which killed him. On my turn, I killed the last of them, leaving unscathed. I went back to the group and said "no more Orcs", then went back down the hall to investigate. The others were calling it the Loincloth show, but not in a bad way. The Rogue even said he was happy to sit back and watch, since he's lazy.

We found an inordinate amount of secret doors, but they were all pointless, since the regular path looped around to the same places. Eventually we made it through this whole level of the dungeon with the exception of one door that required a Str check to open, and I had rolled shit on, so we said we'd come back to it later. Turns out it was the boss room for this floor, so it worked out that it was last. It was an Ogre and two Dire Wolves. The Druid went first and dropped an Entangle spell, which somehow worked on all of them(Str check to break free, all of them have good Str). I went in and started beating down one of the wolves since the Ogre was in the back. The Sorcerer thought it would be a good idea to ride one of the wolves. It was not. He made it onto one of them, but it put her in reach of the Ogre, which one-shot her. The Cleric was able to drag her out of the battle and heal her, though. After I killed a wolf, I had a clear path to the Ogre, and we all laid in on him with spells and my sword. He died having only hit the Gnome. Again, I kinda felt bad for the DM, but that's how the rolls went. I'm sure we'll get fucked soon, though, since this campaign has both White Plume Mountain and The Tomb of Horrors in it.

[DancesWithWerewolves]

I wasn't even aware a bugbear was playable in 5.0. I recall it being very bare bones on what you can play.

[Slaughterhouserock]

I wasn't even aware a bugbear was playable in 5.0. I recall it being very bare bones on what you can play.

As with every edition, new books come out with new shit. It's in Volo's Guide to Monsters. It's great for a fighter. Gets 10' reach, +2d6 damage 1/combat during a surprise round, Stealth as a skill, +2 Str/+1 Dex.

[DancesWithWerewolves]

I wasn't even aware a bugbear was playable in 5.0. I recall it being very bare bones on what you can play.

As with every edition, new books come out with new shit. It's in Volo's Guide to Monsters. It's great for a fighter. Gets 10' reach, +2d6 damage 1/combat during a surprise round, Stealth as a skill, +2 Str/+1 Dex.

Nice. Each time I attempted playing this, we were limited to the player's hand book, and at the store it only looked like the other books were modules.