Recently Watched Movies

[DancesWithWerewolves]

Barbarian ................. B+

Not as gruesome as the hype claims...but for a movie that actually hit theaters these days, it get pretty gruesome. The build-up and misdirections are great, the gore Fx are excellent - I detected no hint of CGI if there was any. Great acting all around. I do feel it comes up short a little on background story - I'm left with questions that sure I can fill in the blanks myself but they would just be my own guesses. While it does have gore, I'd say the grotesqueness shines more from the grossness of certain scenes. Not because of the gore, but because of the context going on during the scenes. It's kind of like Don't Breath's gross reveal, but not the same thing. Would recommend it, but don't believe the hype regarding how grizzly it gets - though that could be because I've been spoiled by some really grizzly shit

[Jigsaw]

I've been interested in Barbarian ever since the trailer dropped three-ish months ago. Keep hearing decent things, so hoping I can avoid spoilers before I'm able to watch it.

[Tiggnutz]

Saving Barbarian for the Challenge

[DancesWithWerewolves]

Saving Barbarian for the Challenge

Not expecting it to actually do well, I wanted to be sure I saw it in the theatre lol. Was surprised it was #1 over the weekend.

[Slaughterhouserock]

Three Thousand Years of Longing. I had no idea what this was about going in, but I know Miller is a brilliant director, so I gave it a go. It's a bit of a fairytale about a woman that meets a djinn. I enjoyed it, and it is a beautifully made film, but it's probably not something everyone here would like.

[Jigsaw]

Watched The Dirty Dozen (1967) and The Day the Earth Stood Still (1951)

Seen both before, and both are still solid, though I do find portions of The Dirty Dozen a bit dry. Killer final 40 minutes, though.

[Slaughterhouserock]

Bodies Bodies Bodies. A group of rich cunt twenty-somethings get together for a hurricane party(cause that's a thing, I guess) then they start dying. It's one of those "everyone has a secret" films that just makes everyone look guilty, but without any real suspense. Honestly, they all kinda suck(except Borat's daughter), so I didn't give a fuck. The only real positives are that Pete Davidson is the first to die, and the reveal at the end is slightly humorous, even if it was expected.

[Slaughterhouserock]

Bullet Train. Several assassins end up on a bullet train in japan and all hell breaks loose when their paths cross. It's heavily character-driven, and the characters are all over the place. The underlying plot is serious, but everything else is pure comedy. It actually had me laughing and the ending was great. Definitely worth checking out.

[Slaughterhouserock]

Vesper. Sci-fi film about a post-apocalyptic future in which plants have been wiped out so food is scarce. There's the usual dynamic of the rich assholes living in paradise and the poor living in the mud, but the rich trade one-time use seeds with the poor for the blood of their young. Sounds more fucked up than anything that's actually shown. Plays out more drama-like than anything. It was interesting, but I thought the end was kinda meh. There were also lots of questions left unanswered. Ok film, but skip it if you have something good to watch.

[Slaughterhouserock]

My Best Friend's Exorcism. Teen possession film set in the 80's. They leaned way too hard on the teen aspect and kinda downplayed the possession until the last fifteen minutes or so. The only really good bits were the weird religious fitness group, and the one that tries to do the exorcism. Other than that, it was pretty forgettable. I think the only reason it was set in the 80's was for the whole satanic panic angle, but it otherwise would fit in with a modern setting. Basically a whole lotta meh.

[Slaughterhouserock]

Speak No Evil. A danish family visits a dutch family after meeting on holiday. It's as boring as it sounds. The first hour is basically lots of suspenseful music playing over the most mundane bullshit. Nothing happens until the last fifteen minutes or so, and even that wasn't all that special. I think there's supposed to be some shock in what they do, but it's made for plebs that watch horror once a year, so it left me feeling like I wasted my time. If you like very drawn out suspense thriller films where nothing suspenseful or thrilling happens and has a meh ending, then by all means, give this a watch. Otherwise, skip this shit.

[Slaughterhouserock]

Night Train to Terror. I swear I've seen this some thirty years ago, but I do not remember the song and dance interludes. I do love anthologies, but this one is a bit of a mess. It's composed of three films that were made previously, but never finished or lost funding or some shit. And after watching this, you'll know why. Supposedly there's a copy of the full film of the second story out there, but it doesn't share scenes with this film, making it even weirder. The claymation used is fucking terrible, but I love me some claymation, so I still found those scenes to be fun. Interesting for what it is, but definitely not for everyone.

[Slaughterhouserock]

Jeepers Creepers Reborn. Apparently the last three films have been retconned into being films within this film's universe, so fuck you if you liked them I guess. The first eight minutes are basically the beginning of the first film, but with an old couple instead of a brother/sister duo. It literally plays beat for beat, so you can skip to the eight minute mark and miss nothing. The film devolves into a weird mix of Curse of Michael Myers and Halloween Resurrection of all things.

They didn't really put much effort into this. There's some horrendous green/blue screen shots and the occasional garbo cgi. A girl is "tied" to an altar to be sacrificed, but the rope is just loosely wrapped around her to the point that she could obviously just get up if she wanted to. The creeper is a bit shit, too. At one point, he couldn't figure out how to open a door that was locked on his side by a piece of wood and a latch. And the ending was, well, an ending. This is supposed to be the start of a new trilogy, but I think I'll skip the sequels if they actually get made.

[Slaughterhouserock]

The Visitor. A couple moves to the wife's hometown after her father dies, but things get weird when the husband keeps finding paintings of himself. Kind of a slow mystery type of thing, but the payoff isn't really worth it. The hints are pretty easy to spot, so all they had to do was make the ending good, but it was mediocre at best. Would've fit in as a film from the late 90's/early 00's due to the subject matter, though. Gonna put a spoiler below about the ending, because it bugs me.

Spoiler

---

So the husband turns out to be the devil and his son is supposed to bring about the end of the world. Fair enough. But the guy is still normal and kinda fighting the "bad side" of himself, so you're left wondering what he'll do when the baby's born. Of course, he's full blown possessed at that point and he rides off at the end to do whatever. I'm normally all for bad endings, but this was kinda weak.

The scene where the baby is born has him and the wife in a room with all the nutter townspeople chanting. He gets up, and is handed the baby. At this point, I think it would've been better if he just spiked that kid like a football and burned the place down or some shit. Honestly, I just wanted him to dunk the kid. That would've been hilarious and made the film worth watching.

[Reign in Blood]

Sounds like some Rosemary's Baby bullshit to me.

[Slaughterhouserock]

Sounds like some Rosemary's Baby bullshit to me.

I was getting more Bleeders vibes, but without the cannibalistic hermaphrodite midgets(so not as good), and a hint of the Wicker Man. I can see that, though.

[Slaughterhouserock]

Clerks III. Thought I'd give this a go as it couldn't be worse than Halloween Ends. Expected the usual hit or miss comedy, but ended up getting a fucking sad as shit film. Fuck, I was not ready for that.

[Reign in Blood]

Ya know what part 3 is looking pretty fucking good right now? Wrong Turn 3. *high fives Tigg* Dig it!

[Reign in Blood]

Fuck you Halloween, cut Carpenter out and didn't even let RZ have a 3, but this nimrod got one? Pfft.

And no one knows what the fuck Kevin Smith is doing. Had the heart attack and shit the bed for sure.

[Reign in Blood]

Look, when Rob Zombie swan dives, at least he dives into horror and cool shit in the vein. Not whatever the fuck these last two Halloweenies are "thinking".